How Long Will My Child Cry During Sleep Training?
We work with a lot of tired tired parents, and we know how incredibly hard it is to wear all of the hats you wear and show up when you are so sleep deprived.
One of the first questions we get asked and one of the main things we talk about during our discovery calls with potential clients is: how long will my child cry during sleep training?
It’s the thing that causes the most anxiety when it comes to sleep training. This episode goes over everything you can expect with crying when you sleep train your child.
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
What is sleep training?
What are the different sleep training methods?
Crying as a form of communication
What sleep training looks like at different ages (for Newborns, Babies, Toddlers, and Preschoolers)
How much crying can we expect from night one of sleep training?
Sleep training is something you do FOR your child, not TO your child
Is the Goodnight house pediatric sleep consulting a good fit for you?
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
Blog Post: What is Sleep Training?
1:1 Personalized Sleep Packages for babies and children over 4 months old
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What is sleep training?
Before we dive in, we want to define what sleep training actually is. As you probably well know, sleep training is kind of a buzz word and there are a lot of misconceptions surrounding it.
The goal of sleep training, regardless of what method you use, is to help your child learn to fall asleep and transition through sleep cycles unassisted. This post is not going to get into the science too much, but essentially every person, baby and adult has a mini awakening each time they transition through sleep cycles. We transition through sleep cycles multiple times each night.
When a baby doesn’t know how to transition smoothly between sleep cycles, they often wake up crying, scared, and disoriented. The goal of sleep training is to help them transition through those sleep cycles without waking up scared and confused . The goal is to have them peacefully transition and know they are safe and secure right where they are.
What are the different sleep training methods?
When it comes to sleep training there are many different philosophies out there. You can think of them as being on a spectrum. They range from super strict, tons of crying, and no parent intervention (the Extinction / Cry it Out method) - all the way to the other end of the spectrum which would is very gentle, no cry sleep solutions.
You may be familiar with some of the different methods such as Pick up Put down, Ferber, The Chair method, No cry sleep solutions, Extinction, etc.
In Extinction (Cry it Out) there is generally a lot of crying and parents see results very quickly, within just a few nights.
When using extremely gentle sleep training methods such as the No Cry Sleep Solution, parents make extremely small tweaks over a long period of time (usually weeks to months). There is typically still some crying involved.
At the Goodnight House, we fall somewhere in the middle of the sleep training spectrum. We don’t use extinction or cry it out, but we also don’t claim to be a no cry sleep solution.
Crying as a form of communication
This is one way we like to explain crying during sleep training to parents:
No one likes change. When change happens in my own life, you can often find me protesting by using my words, or even crying myself! No parent wants their baby to cry. However, we believe God has given babies the ability to cry as a form of communication. They don't have words yet, they can't express what they're feeling, so they cry. It’s ok and good for our kids to have the space to express how they feel while we support them through those changes.
Learning new sleep habits is a big change for babies and children. We’re introducing them to a whole new way of sleep that they’re not used to.
We like to remind parents to think about how tired they are as the parent. You’re up with your child all night and you are exhausted! Your baby or child is just as tired as you are - they just don’t know any other way of life. They have no idea how good they will feel once they start getting the sleep they need.
Every Child is Different
Every baby and child is going to be different and respond to change differently, so there’s no way for us to be able to tell you exactly how much your child will cry during the process. We can only tell you that there will most likely be some tears - because that’s how babies and children communicate.
We have many strategies we implement before we ever try to tackle your child’s nighttime sleep that significantly decreases the amount of crying.
Our goal is to equip you to know how to support your child during these changes, so while there may be crying, they aren’t left to themselves with no support.
Click HERE to get your child’s perfect daily schedule!
What does sleep training look like for Newborns?
When it comes to newborns (0-12 weeks), our approach is to help establish healthy sleep habits (no crying involved) from day one. We focus on things we can do to set them up for success, like their daytime routine, their bedtime routines, their sleep environment, and developmentally appropriate things you can do that specifically help newborns sleep better (like swaddling them!). We give you tons of small things you can start implementing that make a huge impact on their sleep!
If you start out with our newborn class, you don’t typically have to do “formal sleep training” and if you are experiencing sleep issues, they’re usually much much easier to solve because your baby has a solid sleep foundation.
Between 3-5 months, babies go through some changes in their sleep cycles, commonly referred to as the 4 month sleep regression. Regression is kind of a terrible word for it though, because really, they’re just growing and developing. This milestone marks the end of newborn sleep.
What does sleep training look like for babies and children older than 4 months?
For all age groups, we take a holistic approach to sleep, meaning we look at the whole child and your entire family. For babies and children who are out of the newborn stage, we have you fill out a big questionnaire that has you answer questions all about your baby’s days and nights, their schedule, their personalities, your family dynamics etc. This gives us a big picture view of what’s going on with their sleep, day and night and allows us to set them up for the best possible sleep success at night.
We call this ‘Phase One’ or ‘Prep Work’. There is no crying involved and we are not addressing nighttime sleep at this point. We focus on their daytime schedule, their sleep environment, their sleep routines, their nutrition, and we have you begin keeping a sleep log. We customize it depending on your child and their specific needs. This prep work helps reduce crying significantly!
We then move to Phase Two where we begin tackling nighttime sleep. For older babies and children (over 4 months old) we use parent present methods where you either stay in the room during phase two of sleep training. Depending on your comfort level, you may do timed checks, where you check on your child at specific intervals to reassure, comfort, and support them.
What does sleep training look like for older toddlers and Preschoolers?
When it comes to older toddlers and preschool aged children, we focus a lot of our attention on their daytime and parent / child communication. We spend a lot of time giving mom and dad strategies that end up making phase two much much easier for the child and the parents.
Once we get to phase two, we use parent present methods (where you either stay in the room or do timed checks).
Phase Two is where you can expect to have some crying. But again, because every child responds to change differently, the amount of crying is going to be different from child to child. Because of all of the prep work we do leading up to phase two, we see a significant decrease in the amount of crying that would otherwise happen.
How much crying can we expect from night one of sleep training?
On average, we see the children we work with typically take 30-60 minutes to fall asleep on that first night with our parent present methods. Again, that’s on average - of course we’ve seen exceptions of babies and kids falling asleep within the first 10 minutes and we’ve also had kiddos who have taken longer than 60 minutes to fall asleep on that first night.
The big take away is that sleep training should not take weeks on end.
“When sleep training is done appropriately, you should be seeing definite results within just a few nights and a light at the end of the tunnel by night three. By the third night you should be seeing less crying and less night time wake ups. ”
We work very closely with you and help equip you to support your child and help them feel loved and nurtured throughout the entire process. At the beginning of phase one, we set you up with Voxer, which is a voice messaging and texting app so that we can literally walk through the entire process with you.
Sleep training is something you do FOR your child, not TO your child
One example we like to give parents is about taking your child to the doctor. When you take your sick child to the doctor and they need to give them medicine or a shot and your child started crying, you probably wouldn’t say to your doctor, “Ya know it really seems like my child doesn’t want this shot, I think we’re going to skip it.” No way! You as the parent know that you have your child’s absolute best interest at heart. You love your child and you want what’s best for them, you want them to heal from their sickness and be able to continue thriving and growing. We ask our kids to do things every single day, for their wellbeing, that they often don’t understand or agree with because they’re tiny humans who can’t see the entire picture. But because we love them and we know what’s best for them, we do what we need to do even if it means there are some tears. And we support and love them through those things.
Sleep is no different. You aren’t doing this TOO your child, you’re doing it FOR your child. Because you love them and you know they need sleep to grow, learn, and thrive.
Is the Goodnight house pediatric sleep consulting a good fit for you?
We want parents to know what they can expect from working with us and we want to give you realistic expectations as to what our approach to sleep and crying is.
We know we won’t be for everyone! We are a service and we know that not every family is going to find a need for what we do. There are families who love the time in the middle of the night with their children - who love that their kids come to sleep with them every night, or who have a lifestyle that allows for them to get less sleep because they have help during other times of the day etc.
But we also know there are families who are at the ends of their rope. Husbands and wives whose marriages are suffering because they are SO sleep deprived. Moms who are suffering from depression because they aren’t getting the sleep they need and who can’t show up for their families the way they want and need to. There are spouses who are tired of sleeping in separate rooms and parents who are heartbroken as they watch how the lack of sleep is affecting their baby, toddler, or child.
We’re here for those families, and if you are one of them, we would love to come alongside you and help your family find sleep again. You can go to our website and sign up today or you reach out to us with any questions you may have!